Unrealistic Expectations in Childhood

Dennis Prager frequently says that expectations, especially unrealistic expectations, are one of the greatest sources of unhappiness in our lives, John Rosemond gets specific about one unrealistic expectation which is now drummed into children by those who care about them:

My parents never told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. They told me what all parents should tell all children: I was blessed with a finite set of strengths. It was primarily my responsibility to discover what they were, develop them, and use them for the benefit of my fellow citizens. (I'd rather do this parenting thing than be King of England anyway.) . . .

Today, this "you can be anything you want to be" hooey has become ubiquitous. Enlightened parents seem to believe telling children fictions of this sort is one of the obligations of a truly caring parent. As a consequence of this lack of guidance and leadership, increasing numbers of young people in their late 20s still haven't discovered their Inner Wannabe.

I meet lots of young adults who seem to have no clue concerning what it takes to truly accomplish something of value in this life. . .

A friend recently told me of a young relative of hers who was, during her childhood, treated like "a really big fish in a little pond." She is now a "panicked, confused, college freshman."

This young woman has been told all along that she can do and be anything she wants to do and be. In college, without her parents helping her make straight A's, she is discovering that she isn't as capable a student as she's been led to believe. "She's devastated," writes my friend.

How sad, and sadder still for the fact that this young woman's devastation can be largely credited to parents who obviously never considered the old saying to the effect that good intentions pave the road to Perdition.

Some balance and honesty in encouraging children to strive for excellence, without expecting it, would help lots of kids to be happier.  And parents who expect kids to fulfill the dreams of the parent can be just as damaging as those who tell kids they can be anything they want.

Balance.